inteus_mika (inteus_mika) wrote,
inteus_mika
inteus_mika

Concession

This has been a fantastic experience, and I want to thank everyone who has contributed to it.  What began as an experiment over the course of these last few months became a pleasure.  But now it is time to close this chapter and move on for a while.

I have enjoyed writing for an audience, small though it may be, and genuinely appreciate those of you who have been kind with your remarks every week.  I’ve collected enough data to demonstrate a proof of concept, of sorts, in response to Shima’s theory that people would want to read the stories from my life I’m so careful to record — her thinking being that I should share them with more than just the two of us.  It seems that some people might.  A small handful of you could be interested.  Or perhaps youre just being kind.  Or perhaps youre just fishing for votes.  Its so hard to tell... how is one to ever really know?  And perhaps I might find more certainty in a different environment.  But I will spend some time considering whether or not finding such a space would be a noble pursuit before actively searching for it.

We have reached the point on this ride after which those who remain are pointedly focused on striving toward an end goal — that of winning.  The competition element of this game never appealed that much to me.  I just came here to prove to myself that I could do this.  And I believe I have done that.  It’s not like anyone asked me to actually talk about myself.  But, ultimately, though, I’m not a writer.  I’m just a journaler, telling stories of the things I’ve seen and done.  And if I were going to continue trying to move forward, I’d have a hard time doing that, while remaining true to myself, as I’d soon have to consider what kind of stories would be most likely to get me the most votes.  And that’s just not who I am.

I am grateful for the contacts I have made; interesting people with fascinating lives... I hope to stay in touch.  Perhaps I might be more comfortable in the “home game,” where I can’t be voted off the island.  Perhaps I may see some of you there.

Good luck to all who continue.

~Q.

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  • 35 comments
Oh no! I completely understand and respect your choice, but I've also really enjoyed being your teammate these last few weeks. Thank you for all the great writing and for being such a positive, supportive person.

Thank you for keeping us all together!
Aw, I'm sorry to see you go - I've enjoyed being on your team and reading your work! I totally understand your decision, though, and wish you the best :)
Thanks!
I can relate to this. We left a couple weeks back for similar reasons, as well as complications of life overtaking us at the time (and still). Leaving the competition doesn't mean leaving the community, it just means leaving the pressure behind. This works when it's not in the way, and it shouldn't take over when it is.

I've enjoyed reading about your adventures. I've also felt you've led a very rich, full life. Would be happy to stay in touch... not sure how long we'll stick around on this account, but will friend you as ourselves (2 halves of a married couple here), so we can watch more of your journaling, if you keep it up. And good luck to you, as well!

~karmasoup
Thank you! You know, that's more what I'm about, I think... community. Cooperation. I like the idea that it doesn't go away just because I'm no longer competing. I appreciate the perspective. Maybe I won't look anywhere else, maybe I'll just see who likes me here if I'm only in the kiddie pool. Thanks for the adds, I will connect back to you. All... 3? of you.
Not everyone is in it to win. We all know that only one person will. I think people want to stay in as long as they can, and there's often the feeling of, "I'm a better writer than [person who is still playing.]" But the whole concept of the home game is about continuing to write without worrying about the polls, so there's that. Keep writing. I hope you find the support that is most helpful to you.
Don't have any real concept of who should or shouldn't be here... don't figure it's my place to judge. Spose everyone still around deserves to be, because they kept it up this far and made it work, every week. Mostly, I just didn't want the competition aspect to influence what I write... you know, this story will get more votes than that story, etc. Home game = no pressure. (Possibly also, no interest? Guess I'll find out! ;) Thanks for the encouragement. :)
I'm so sorry to see you go. I've really enjoyed your stories, and while I know that the competiveness of Idol isn't for everyone, we aren't quite at that point yet where you couldn't continue writing what you want for at least another 4-5 weeks! If that makes a difference.

For some of us, Idol is like a huge ongoing writer's workshop with a competition in the background. That isn't the goal of Idol, but no one can take how you interpret the side-effects away from you. :)

I hope you'll continue to write and post here, home game or otherwise. Your stories have been a unique pleasure.
Thank you very much. It isn’t that I mind a little healthy competition. I don’t. But I came here initially because I stumbled upon it in LJ about the same time Shima was encouraging me to write for a bigger audience, and I decided to try and determine whether or not people are genuinely interested in reading about stories of my life, because I balked at the notion at first, thinking, who am I that anyone would care?

People here certainly have been kind. But it’s hard to tell if that’s just a result of the competition. I’d thought perhaps the home game (or another community) might be a better place to be sure, so that whether or not someone is going to vote for a story doesn’t have any influence on how I tell it, and instead the truth just comes out as it happened. Not that I haven’t told the truth yet, but last week, I babbled a bit about 60s TV shows, thinking maybe voters would like shorter pieces better. When it did have a positive effect on the voting, I was a little disappointed, because that submission took nowhere near the effort, nor was it anywhere near as significant to me personally, or to life in general, as other, more complex stories of my experiences that have actually made a difference in my life.

I’m just figuring since I’m not trying to win, whether I “go home” now or 4 – 5 weeks from now doesn’t really make much of a difference, but whether or not people who are reading are doing so without ulterior motivation is more likely to produce genuine results for this “experiment.” ;)
I'm really sorry to see you go, and I wish you could reconsider.

Not all of us are in for that particular endgame, to be honest. I'm in because I really want to know what limitations I can surpass while writing. I began as a blogger, and have tried to push my limits. As a teacher, I try to stress to my students that if they wish to compete, their most formidable foe is themselves, and not anyone else.

I know I haven't commented much over the past few months (alas, I'm making a point to be better about that), but I've enjoyed reading your entries.

Would you like to be LJ friends?

Good luck to you as well.
I am seeing a lot of people here indicate in the comments that winning is not necessarily their end goal, but I have yet to see a reason given that I wouldn't think could be better accomplished in an environment which does not include competition. Thank you for the offer, I have friended you, as well, as I've enjoyed your entries also. ;)
I am so sorry to see you go, but I understand the reasons. I loved reading your entries, and I will miss them. halfshellvenus and I have talked about them, and really enjoyed them.
Pleased to know my stories have been a topic of conversation... that's quite flattering, actually. Not sure I'm actually going anywhere, I might just be moving to the home game... less pressure. We'll see. Thanks so much!
Oh no! I am sorry to see you go. I do understand though, the competition can be a lot weighing on one mentally. I hope you still stay active in the community!! :)
Thank you.
I never got to read anything, since I just entered the contest for the first time. But good for you for following your gut. When we try to hold onto something before it's really helping us anymore is when it can get damaged or damage us. Best to you!
I suppose we are ships passing in the night, aren't we? Well, I may still be around, on a limited basis, and will try to get myself more "properly introduced" to your work.
This is unfortunate. I read slowly, so I seldom get around to all the pieces in a week, but I've thoroughly enjoyed your analytical voice when I've had a chance to see your work. Good luck where you go from here--if you find a place where people are less self-serving (whether that's real or no), I'd like to hear about it too.
I read slowly, also, so the competition was just not getting to the point where I could get through most of the entries, IF I happened to have the time over the weekend, and I very often do not, so trying 30+ entries in on Monday while working is its own kind of challenge, though it is enjoyable, as well. I had not realized my voice was analytical, so thank you for that feedback. (I am still getting used to hearing my writing referred to as "voice" - I don't know much about the world of writer's lingo.) I might hang around here for a bit... with no competition breathing down the back of my neck, I might do a better job of catching up on older entries in the in-between days. And I might continue telling stories, without worried about who's going to vote for them. But we'll see. Thank you very much for weighing in. I will try to see get to what I have missed of yours in the not too distant future, and I will friend you to stay in touch. ;)
To be honest, I've never competed in this competition with the idea that I could win. It has, however, prompted me to write some of my best recent work.

I'd also like you to know that I never write anything I don't mean in comments. The best part of this competition, for me, has been that it has connected me to so many great writers and interesting people. That, for me, is winning. I'm glad I got a chance to read your work, especially when you wrote about your grandmother. She sounds like such an amazing person!
That's very kind of you to say so, and I appreciate knowing that. Shima is amazing. Don't get me wrong, we all have our faults, and she's no exception, of course. Neither am I. But I wouldn't be who I am today without her, and I'm pretty happy with my life, so I consider that a win! ;)
Great to 'meet' you and see some of your stories!
Thanks!
I genuinely liked the story that you shared about Shima..and If you are trying to publish it..that's a good thing..All the very best..:) As far as LJ goes..I joined in last season and trust me..I really got the feedback I was seeking for..you just have to ask here..people are ready to help/suggest/guide..I have got no professional training as a writer and this place really helped me to get inspired through so many great work that I read each week.
Would be looking forward to your home game entries..:) Take care. Best wishes. Good to have known you through your writing..*Hugs*
I was not thinking about publishing it, though, I think Shima might have been... not just that story, but my "memoirs." I'll have to ask her what her "end goal" was for pushing me in this direction. Thanks for being willing to wait in the home game wings! ;)
Good luck to you! AW
Thanks!
Sorry to see you go ..... I joined season 9 and I am in here just to know if I can write something readable. I have a lot of take-aways and I must confess the time lines and the reading and voting stretches me really bad sometimes. But then I am enjoying stretching my writing abilitiues too... wouldn't be writing if not in here. I didn't catch you much in the first couple of weeks ... But from week 5 I have been regular and I have sincerely enjoyed your entry on Journals, Life in Atlanta and the piece on opening up to people/strangers ... Good luck
Thank you. Glad to have made your acquaintance, as well.
So sorry to see you go. By the same token, if the "competition" aspect of the this thing is what's turning you off, perhaps you could continue to write for the "Home Game" -- I still write pieces based on the prompt for your own personal enjoyment and the enjoyment of the readers!

Regardless of what you decide, hold your head high: You did very well to make it this far. Hell, technically *I* didn't last this long this season!

Take care.

The home game is probably the plan. Might take a while to get there... might need a week or so off. But ultimately looking for a relaxed creative environment. And thank you for the kind remarks. I have friended you for your continued support.
I am so sorry to see you go. I have enjoyed your entries very much, but respect your reasons for leaving at this juncture.

Very best wishes to you and I hope to meet you in the home game.

M.
Thanks so much... I suppose we all will be there, eventually! ;)

murielle

1 year ago